Staring Loneliness In The Face. And Loving It.

I have been dreading the empty nest.  For over 20 years I have been a mother, and really, nothing else.  This was a mistake on many levels, but there we are.  Now my twins are 18 and off to uni.  

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First the Lasagne, now the Fruit Bowl

For years – more than 20 – I cooked for the family.  Five of us.  More or less everything we ate, until the children went to school and had lunch there.  My husband used to eat out on expenses during the day and when travelling on business (supposedly).  

A Man After Midnight

Aqua aerobics.  The teacher is bouncing up and down outside the pool, a slip of a thing.  Music is blaring in the echoey space.  Around me, other women.  Mostly in their sixties, seventies, eighties, and (like me) rather large.  

People Say I’m In Denial, But That’s Just A Lie!

Wrote a reply a while back on Wikivorce to someone who felt her children hated her. I know the feeling.  

Letter To An Old Friend

We were such good friends.  Met at university, hung out together and made each other laugh.   We were often in a group, yet you were always very special to me, and I loved you.

The Ueberraschung Button

I came back furious.  My ex-husband has been lying to my daughter who lives with him.  I mentioned it to her twin, who lives with me (yes, fucked up).

‘It’s like the Ueberraschung button’ he said.  ‘The first time you press it, it’s a surprise, but not the hundredth time’.  This made me laugh, but I was still cross.

From The Neck Up (or, I Thought He Had A Brain The Size Of A Planet But In Fact It Was Only His Head)

Chatting to a colleague.  I learned that she teaches a dance class in the evenings.  I have been looking (not very hard, but intermittently) for a dance class.  I’m too fat though, and unfit.  No one will want to dance with me.  I won’t be able to do it.