He Tells Her

He Tells Her

He tells her that the Earth is flat—
He knows the facts, and that is that.
In altercations fierce and long
She tries her best to prove him wrong.
But he has learned to argue well.
He calls her arguments unsound
And often asks her not to yell.
She cannot win. He stands his ground.

The planet goes on being round.

—Wendy Cope

I feel I must have a lot to say about gaslighting.

Only I don’t really know yet what it is I might say, or trust myself to have a go. I didn’t understand what was happening (and continues in a way) in my case. (That is, of course, the point).

For me, the Helen Titchener storyline in the Archers was an eye opener.  A glimpse of what  might have been going on.

One day I heard Wendy Cope reading the poem above on my beloved radio.  My heart stopped.  Another penny dropped.  A few days ago, another: Derren Brown, again on the radio:  ‘If you try to control what you cannot control, it’s going to make you anxious and frustrated.’

Some of you may have read a previous post and be wondering just how many pennies it takes for things to come into focus for me.  A lot, it seems.  Ping! Ping! Ping!  They keep dropping, but still I feel slightly in a soupy mess and not able to put my finger on it.  Still unsure whether to believe him or me.  Either way is very painful.  It’s a slippery business.

I feel a lot of this is related to other stuff that goes on, mainly between men and women; again, I flounder.

So, for now, I will leave it at that.

Image: when we moved house I got rid of nearly everything I own but could not bin all of the wonderful work my children had done when small.  This (helpfully labelled) planet Earth, by my eldest, survived the cull, but was removed for space reasons from its mount, and photographed.

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Florence Feynman

I am a middle aged, middle class woman, thinking.

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